I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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