I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
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