So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
