I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
