so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize