The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
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when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
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He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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