so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
