I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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