Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
