Pants 0. Shit 1.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
