You smell like a Billy Joel song
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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