Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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