And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
