We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
