i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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