p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
