I can tuck mytits in my pants
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
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You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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