I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
