do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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