none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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