she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
