Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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