yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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