I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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