"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
