The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
