Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
