This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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