We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You're like the curious george of whores
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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