Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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