Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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