I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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