I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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