The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
