My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
