I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
