Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
