Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
