I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
