She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize