i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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