i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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