I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
