Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
