I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
