obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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