New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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