please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
