i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Rumble strips road head = magical
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
