I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You ate ashes out of my bong
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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