Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
