all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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