Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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