OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Sorry about my life...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
