Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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