sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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