Are we in a gay sports bar?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
