Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
